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magnezone:

don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me 


me:  i'm gonna live my life to the fullest!
me:  watches 17 episodes of a tv series in a row

thorxndor:

since I’m 18 now I had to call the hospital myself to get test results and I was simply planning on saying that I had a blood test last week and if I could get the results back but when the woman answered I said “I want my blood back” and hung up the phone, so I’m never trying that again